In a previous post, I shared some “Delicious Morsels” designed to elicit feedback at work. Yet how many of us apply those same communication strategies to our committed relationships? Not very many! Instead we bumble along until someone gets in our face and the old “flight or fight” kicks in. Just like at work, many of us bring the no news is good news philosophy into our relationships.
How different might it be if we set apart time to ask the important people in our lives for feedback. My husband and I do this once a quarter, usually over a glass of wine, and we do what we call “a check-in.” Sometimes we do it very formally following a set of questions designed to give important input. Other times we individually create a list around a set topic and then compare them to decide if we want to continue “operating” that same way.
Below are a couple of Delicious Morsels to help ask for feedback. You might be surprised by what you hear.
- Ask: “What rules are we living our lives by/operating our business by?” I have applied this question to both my team as well as my spouse. In my personal relationship, we each created our own list and then compared them. As two first borns, we both had the rule “you don’t play until your work is done” in a top category. We discussed and decided that we didn’t want to live by that “rule” any more and set out to break our habit. It was kind of like “eating desert first” as we looked for ways we could act differently.
- Play “Stop, Start and Continue.” Each person lists all the things they appreciate that their teammate or partner is doing well (these are the “Continues”). Then, each person shares something that they would like to see the other person “Stop” doing. Surprises can surface with this information, especially if you think you’re contributing something that is helpful. Together, you can define the “Start” actions that are desired and if required, ask for the support you will need to follow-through.
I regularly implement both of these morsels to ensure a productive workplace and a happy marriage. Try it…you may like it!