It’s been awhile since I felt like speaking or writing – all my inner work for the past two years has been about fighting for my life!
On a beautiful spring day, I was delighting in driving my little red sports car with the top down on the way to my annual check-up. Driving it and getting out of it had been previously off the agenda while I healed from a knee replacement. I was excited to share with my doctor how much stronger I was feeling now – that’s when his rushing into my exam room with a look of concern on his face startled me. I didn’t know anything was amiss (other than I had put on a few pounds), but he shared that something had to be terribly wrong based on the results of the usual blood tests that go along with the exam. The next day found me in the hospital having all kinds of additional tests and scheduling meetings with a recommended Oncologist and Surgeon. These tests indicated that I had one of two kinds of cancer, and hopefully it would turn out to be Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Whichever it was, I would need to begin a six month chemotherapy regimen designed to take me to the edge of being alive. It felt like I was waking up in winter rather than planning for a Memorial Day picnic.
The first thing my honey and I experienced with that “door slam” was shock and tears. We clung to each other after the surgeon said I’d have six months to live based on the more serious cancer or if I was lucky and it was the Lymphoma – I’d be part of the 48% that might live after treatment. He’d let us know after exploratory surgery. I found myself oddly praying that I had Lymphoma, even if it was advanced.
Once we gained enough strength to leave the exam room, our fears took us directly to the office of a friend and spiritual advisor. There was no time for denial…I was in the fighting ring and didn’t have my gloves on! Turning immediately to him was the best thing I could have done because he reminded me of how much my spiritual practice would help me through this. He also reminded me that the survival percentages related more to another kind of lifestyle than mine which included meditation, positive thinking and (mostly) healthy eating. Even though my husband and I were both scared witless, we found ourselves taking deeper breaths. This type of shock can be felt by any of us when we experience an accident, we’re told our position at work is being eliminated, or when a wildfire causes you to run for your life – all experiences that some of the people I coach have had to deal with in a nano second. Planning is not an option for out of the blue experiences like these – we don’t get to choose our formative moments!!
Abraham Maslow once said, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” I realized that having turned to this quote throughout my adult life, it would help me through what seemed like the scariest challenge ever.
Here are a few things I learned from my experience which may help you. Since challenges of great magnitude are rarely overcome quickly, I will share more insights and tips in subsequent posts.
- First, decide Who you want “to be” as you traverse your journey on the path to overcoming your challenge. For most of us, the word “victim” is what comes to mind. Having experienced a few of these sudden door slams where I embraced my victim mantle for a while, I was determined to not go there again. So wiping away the tears, I chose “Warrior Woman” as my new persona. It helped me at those times when I just wanted to roll over and give up. I needed to remind myself daily of who I really was, focus on what I could still be grateful for, and how I had everything I needed to climb this mountain.
- Second, think about who you want “with you” on your path. I kept my initial support team very small until I felt more comfortable letting my diagnosis be known to my wider circle. It takes a lot of emotional strength to be a warrior and I was afraid of being influenced by looks of pity.
- Finally, hang on to your purpose in life as much as you can while you’re doing what has to be done. Although I turned over a lot of my business to people I trusted, I continued to coach my existing clients remotely. Most of them never even knew I was facing a health challenge. Though it was tiring, maintaining a limited work schedule helped me to forget my situation for a short time.
Living through shocking “out of the blue events” requires an inner strength. Are you tending to your personal development? Your spiritual life? Don’t wait…you never know when you might need to call on them!